I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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