OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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