i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
