And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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