everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
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You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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