it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
