I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
