I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
