I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
