I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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