ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize