So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
