Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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