so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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