imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
