we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
