I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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