yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
