Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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