Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
