i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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