No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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