Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
