Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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