I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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