Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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