we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
