i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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