a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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