ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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