Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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