david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
