NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
