My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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