He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We just shotgunned beers for America
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
