i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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