thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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