coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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