You're completely useless in the revolution.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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