capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
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You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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