**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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