if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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