ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
