Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
