hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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