Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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