...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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