Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
