This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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