ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My hand turned me down
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
