i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
