Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
