these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
