you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
