Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
