My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
