how can u be prego again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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