just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
