I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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