He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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