I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
