I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
