Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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