I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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