Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
