Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i think i have two assholes
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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