i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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