it wasn't lemon gatorade
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
