I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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