i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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