im six kinds of drunk right now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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