shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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