Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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