they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
