If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
