remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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