Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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