You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
