I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
