Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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