bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
