Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
